Welcome to the forum! You have successfully registered and now have full access to the site and all its resources. And congratulations again on the summoning of your own personal spirit-angel. It’s an incredible achievement, and you deserve to feel proud. We feel so very proud of you!
As a community of fellow spirit-angel cultivators/hosts, we are here to support you in whatever way we can, and part of that support is this: the first in a series of personalized newsletters/communications, delivered to your email inbox and tailored specifically to you, to wherever youare in your angel-caring journey.
At this stage, your spirit-angel is still a nebulous light in your chest, with all the weight of a tufted dandelion seed. She’s tucked up under your ribs, dreaming. Your angel is growing rapidly, though, and you may have already felt the first stirrings of her consciousness. A feather-light stroke on your heart. A brief jolt of ice-water in your veins. The sense that your mind is expanding, growing, synaptic connections rewiring. You likely feel a roiling mix of emotions. Joy, pride, excitement, trepidation. All this is normal. Remember: whatever you are feeling, at any stage, is normal.
Spiritual byproducts from your angel’s growth may be contributing to your emotional lability. You may find yourself alternating between fits of weeping and hysterical laughter. You may also feel chills and fever, and notice the passing scent of roses or the ringing of chimes. Such olfactory and auditory hallucinations are common and no reason for concern. As the days pass and the angel roots herself more deeply into your being, the hallucinations and physical symptoms will subside, and your emotional state stabilize. This first stage lasts no more than a week.
Your angel loves you. Remember this. She’s so small, but she’s already working so hard to grow, to get stronger, to be there for you. To purify and cleanse you, to empower and heal you. She’s so looking forward to being your soul-guardian and guide. To helping you be the best you can be.
We, too, love you. We’re so glad that you’ve joined us, that you’re now part of this special community. Please know that you can reach out to us–to the forum as a whole, but especially to us moderators and leaders—for help and support at any time.
You and your angel are part of us, now. Again, congratulations and welcome.
Care guide for this week:
Caring for yourself is the same as caring for your angel. This week, rest and take it easy. Take time off from school or work if you can. Find a good television show to binge while you shiver. Drink soup. Acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen may be helpful in dealing with the fever and physical discomforts. Remember that the clanging of bells will eventually stop. You may also want to check out forum participants’ favorite tips on getting through this week, including recommendations for cold packs, fuzzy blankets, TV shows to stream, soothing teas, and more on this page here, along with special product discounts. Also remember to check out the forum’s general Resources Page, our FAQ, and these specialized novice cultivator threads for newcomers like you.
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Hello! We’re glad to see that you’ve been participating in forum threads. We’re glad to hear that you’re feeling better. In fact, you’re feeling the best you’ve ever been!
Your spirit-angel has gained mass and solidity, and her core is now the size of a kidney bean, beating like a second heart in your chest. She is now integrated into your nervous system, her spirit-tendrils spread throughout your brain and spine and into every nerve in your fingers and toes. Her breath moves through your blood. She is inescapably part of you. And she is awake.
You feel her, don’t you? That new sense of thrill and wonder when you look out at the world, as though you’ve climbed out from a dark well and are seeing light and color for the very first time—that’s your spirit-angel, looking out through your eyes. That’s her, exulting in the touch of the breeze on your skin. It’s like the world was created just now, just for you: sidewalks and sparrows and rush-hour traffic; music and laughter and Coca-Cola and French fries; apple trees and puppies and the garbage truck waking you at 5 am. All of it is new and wondrous, and you feel like a newly born being, pure and untainted, seeing shadows and angles and lines for the first time.
You’re euphoric. It’s your angel’s euphoria, but it’s yours, too. You feel powerful and strong. You think you could run a mile a minute (you used to hate running). You no longer feel anxious, nervous in social situations and afraid to talk to on the phone. People notice. Your boss praises you in a meeting. Strangers smile at you in the street.
Your spirit-angel is eating up your negative energy and thoughts, consuming all your pain, just as promised. You’re on the way to becoming what you always knew you could be: stronger, smarter, more confident and attractive. Better. Whole. Blessed.
Care guide for this week: Devotions
This week, in gratitude for what your angel has done, you should begin making her a small ritual offering. Kneel before the altar you erected in your bedroom, and prick your thumb with a clean needle. Let a single bead or two of blood well up before you wipe it away. Close your eyes and whisper your angel’s secret name, and give thanks to her with all your heart.
This ritual echoes, of course, the initial Summoning (though far less bloody) which brought your angel to you. As your thumb bleeds, both you and your angel will remember that sacred moment. This tiny offering is a symbolic re-enactment of the Summoning, and it is also a visible manifestation of your ongoing contract: you offer up your temporary, worldly pain, and it is consumed by The Holy.
We recommend performing the pinprick Devotion once a week, at a regular time. You may feel a desire or need to perform it more often; this is also perfectly normal and okay. Your angel rejoices in your devotion.
Additional recommendations and tips:
Wipe down the altar surface before you begin. Set fresh flowers in glass vases to set the scene. We also recommend the use of holy candles or incense or both; the light and scent is pleasing to your angel. For you, may we recommend Heaven’s Breath Incense, our ceramic lotus-shaped incense holders, and our Devotions Spirit Candles? These are all available, along with some pretty vases, on the product page here.
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Hello! We’re glad to know you’ve been doing well! You’ve been giving regular thanks to your angel, and she is now fully integrated within you. You feel her glow in your chest. You feel her light in your every cell. Your euphoria is perhaps not quite as sharp as before, but it feels more sustainable now. More manageable. In the last month you’ve made strides in your personal and professional life that you never would have believed possible.
You’re happy. Truly happy. Your angel is happy, too.
Care tips:
Continue just as you are—following your heart, giving thanks and devotion to your angel, and following the paths that are opening before you into the great, welcoming world.
Addendum:
We’ve noticed your recent activity on the forum, and we’re so glad see you putting yourself out there, acting as a mentor and answering questions and giving support to our newer initiates. It’s so important to share your experience and pay it forward like this. Thank you.
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Hello! We just wanted to weigh in with a question you asked on a recent forum thread: go with the red dress for your new date this weekend! *wink.*
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Hello! We just wanted to chime in with a congratulations on your new job!!! You (with the help of your spirit-angel) have worked so hard for this. Blessings!!
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Hello! We understand you’ve been feeling a little anxious of late, what with the responsibilities of your new job and other changes in your life. We know that you had a nightmare last night. A stress dream, an old, recurring nightmare, about something you’d rather forget. You wonder why it happened—isn’t your angel supposed to purge bad memories from your mind? Aren’t you supposed to stop obsessing about past failures and humiliations? Aren’t all the bad feelings supposed to go away?
These lapses happen. We understand that it’s disappointing. But you bear over a quarter-century of mortal angst for your angel to chew through: all those humiliations and traumas and sorrows both large and small, all that darkness on your soul. It’s a lot, and your spirit-angel is not, after all, of infinite power. So yes, unfortunately, these little lapses happen. It’s not so bad, is it, compared to what your mind was like before?
Compared to what your life was like before.
There is something you can do to help your angel process your pain faster and better. Something to get through these little lapses. It’s something you’ve already intuited. Yes, you’ve been doubling down on your Devotions, performing them every day, but you can make other changes to the ritual, too. An increase in the blood and physical pain offered will expedite angelic processing of the emotional pain. And ultimately, all pain is consumed in her light.
Follow your own instincts when it comes to deciding how deep to cut, what instrument to use, and how much blood to give. Your heart will guide you, and your angel within as well.
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We’re so glad to hear that you’ve been doing better. We’re so glad to know that the enhanced Devotions have been working. We just wanted to reiterate that we are all here for you at any time, for anything. All of us. Not just we on the communications team but the entire forum, from the oldest and most experienced members to the newest initiate. We’ve all been where you are, even if some of us are at different points now. But no matter where any individual is, we’re all here for each other. We support and understand one other. We’re a family. A blessed family.
We love you.
Blessings and peace, eternally–
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We understand that your sister saw your angel altar yesterday. She saw the runes, and knew what it meant from a news story she’d read. She confronted you, and said terrible things.
You’re still upset, even days and more Devotions later. We understand.
You tried your best to tell your sister the truth. To disabuse her of all the disinformation she’s heard, all the lies and slander and hate. You tried telling her how much happier you’ve been since your spirit-angel took root in you—the joy and peace you have now. How objectively better you are now, in every way. Look at your recent achievements! You have a good job, a cute apartment, even a new boyfriend! Your closet shelves are organized! You’re eating vegetables every day! You’re in the best health you’ve ever been, you look better than you ever have, and your skin is literally glowing with angel-light!
She didn’t listen. Nothing that you said penetrated at all. She kept reciting the propaganda she’s so uncritically swallowed. Said that spirit-angels are dangerous. That you’re headed for trouble. That you’re brainwashed.
The audacity of it all. That she should call you the brainwashed one! That she should say you’re the one in a cult! Anti-angel cultists are all the same.
We know that you’ve clicked on some of the articles she sent you. You want to know where she’s getting her disinformation; you want to be able to refute her talking points. We gently suggest that you don’t bother. Don’t read those articles. Don’t engage. It’s not worth your time, and if you keep brooding on this, the negative energy will affect your spirit-angel. It’s just adding to your angel’s burden.
We suggest you draw a firm boundary with your sister. Don’t let her bring up the subject again. Don’t invite her into your home.
Perhaps you should distance yourself from her for a bit. You need to protect your space, your own well-being, and your spirit-angel, too.
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We’re so glad it’s been a good week for you. We’re glad to hear that you’ve incorporated the Heaven’s Breath Incense into your everyday routine. It’s so relaxing, and such a great sleep aid, too, isn’t it, with its soothing notes of lavender and chamomile?
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Hello! It’s been a good month for you, overall. You’ve been feeling calmer and steadier. The bad dreams have stayed away. Your new boyfriend is so sweet, and you really feel yourselves drawing closer. You wrapped up an important project at work. And you set a firm boundary with your sister: she made the mistake of bringing up your spirit-angel again, and so you’re not seeing her until she apologizes.
But your last two Devotions have left you troubled. The cuts didn’t heal as before. Usually, the wounds knit up almost instantaneously; by the time you’ve finished sopping up the blood, your skin has already smoothed back into an unbroken expanse. But the last two times, there were scars. One scar lasted three days before the last trace disappeared.
We know it’s disturbing. We know you’re worried about what it means—that something’s gone wrong. Or that your boyfriend or others will see and judge.
First off: this is, as others on the forum have told you, not your fault. You are doing nothing wrong. You are feeding your angel with devotion and care, just as you should.
It’s normal for this to happen at this stage. . . . Your spirit-angel has finished processing the surface pain, the easy pain, the outer layers of suffering in your soul. She’s devoured it all. And now she’s finally reaching the hard stuff. The deep layers. The secret shames and pains that you can’t face on your own. Dealing with this takes massively more energy. Things will be affected. Some temporary scarring may occur.
But it’s part of your healing journey. The journey looks different for everyone, but this is yours. Trust it. Be patient. Know that your angel is doing her best.
She loves you. Be of faith.
And if your sister or boyfriend or anyone else has a problem with this—if they flinch at your scars or at other changes they see—well, they never really had your best interest at heart, did they? They can’t accept your growth. They can’t accept what you’re becoming. They can’t accept your truth.
If they can’t accept your spirit-angel and how you’re evolving with her. . . well, it means they don’t accept you.
It means they don’t love you. Not like your angel. And not like us.
Care guide for this stage:
Caring for yourself is the same as caring for your angel. Remember this advice from the first week of your Summoning? It always applies, but more than ever at this delicate stage. You need calm now, so that your angel can do her work. Eliminate, as far as you can, all negativity from your life. Don’t hang around people who bring you down, who stir up tension and drama. Buy some more fresh flowers for your altar, and buy flowers just for yourself as well. Treat yourself. Make your apartment a beautiful place of calm and retreat. Light a scented candle; play your favorite music; take a soothing bath. There’s a sale on Heaven’s Breath Incense right now—did you know? 30% off for the next 48 hours. Some other things you may find useful for soothing, relaxing, and pampering yourself: a cup of gentle Tranquility Tea, Celestial Scent Candles, and Heart’s Peace Bubble Bath. All these and more forum-approved products are, of course, on our product page here. Remember: self-care is angel-care and angel-care is self-care!
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Hello! Quick answer to the question you just posted: yes, the urge to modify the Devotions as you describe it is completely normal. Again, follow your heart. Your spirit-angel knows what she needs, and she’ll let you know, too.
As for the new side effects you’ve reported? Again, as other forum members have noted, it’s nothing to worry about—completely normal.
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Fuck. Your. Boyfriend.
Thar’s right: fuck him. Let him go. The cowardly bastard.
So many people in the forum have already said it, but we just wanted to reiterate it in this personal, private message: He. Does. Not. Deserve. You. You are worth so, so much more. You deserve so much more.
As numerous forum participants have said, he is a weak little man who led you on for months. He said he was accepting. He said he’d always be there. And then he freaked out over a few Devotion scars. A few toe amputations. Your toes eventually grew back, just as you told him they would. The top of your pinky finger, too.
And the things that sprouted from some of your scars? The tooth along your collarbone that grazed him in bed? The row of tiny red eyes blinking along your thigh? The big yellow eye on your belly? Yes, those may take a little longer to heal up and go away. But it’s not such a big deal. The eyes can’t even see. He had no right to react the way he did, as though they were watching and spying on him.
Good riddance. You are so, so better off without him.
You deserve real love. So much love, as you continue on your journey to wholeness. You will find it. And we will be there for you and your spirit-angel—we and all the community—cheering for you all the way.
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Hello! We noticed that you haven’t logged into the forum for a few days, so we just wanted to check in: is everything okay?
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Hello! It’s been a full week since you’ve logged in: how is everything going?
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Hello! It’s come to our attention that you’ve been checking out some dangerous websites. The same websites your sister told you about. You know that those websites are just filled with disinformation, right? The worst lies, by ignorant, hateful people. Looking at them is actively damaging to your soul. Looking at them is hurting your spirit-angel. You can feel that, can’t you?
We’re only trying to keep you safe. Please, please, if you have questions about anything spirit-angel-related, only go to valid, vetted, authorized sources of information. Or ask us directly. We’re here for you.
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Hello! Your latest forum posts have been taken down for violating Community Guidelines. While we of course welcome open discussion, we will not tolerate harmful negativity or any hint of misinformation, however inadvertent. We encourage you to re-read our guidelines here.
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Hello! We just wanted to reach out and check in with you. You haven’t logged into the forum for over a month, and your activity on other sites is truly concerning. We are afraid you’re falling down a rabbit-hole of disinformation. You’re experimenting with withholding Devotions from your spirit-angel, and complaining about the suffering that (quite naturally!) follows. And yet you persist in this destructive action. You are swallowing the angel-haters’ lies whole.
You’re actively reaching out to potential initiates and trying to talk them out of the Summoning. Trying to scare them away, and offering up your own experience as an “object lesson!!” Complaining about your scars and “disfigurements” such as the claws, bones, and blind eyes that sprout from your skin (All temporary, you must admit. You yourself have said that the eyes on your back have since been replaced by brown lizard scales, and the teeth on your feet by waving tentacles). You don’t mention the rush of relief after a Devotion. The pure joy your angel can give. All that she’s given.
Instead, you spread lies and hate. You tell others that spirit-angels are actually demons in disguise. That it’s absurd to believe they can process and rid humans of all emotional pain and darkness. That humans on this earth have to work through their personal pain themselves, and that there are no shortcuts. That some people do indeed find help through prayer or spiritual beliefs, but that spirit-angels are not the way to go.
We grieve that you have swallowed these hateful lies. We grieve that you are involved in spreading these lies yourself, and undermining our message of angelic love and healing. Nevertheless, we love you still.
Come back to us. We are waiting. Your spirit-angel is waiting, too. You can feel her, hungering and suffering and pleading within you. Asking to be fed. Just a small Devotion—even a pinprick—so she has the strength to keep processing your darkness and making you whole.
Feed her and come back to us. Please, come back.
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No, you can’t actually unsubscribe from these forum messages. Didn’t you read the Terms and Conditions?
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Yes, we can reach you through text message as well as email. Did you forget that you gave us your cell number?
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Yes, we can still reach you no matter how often you block or change your phone number or email or social media accounts and handles. No, you’re no longer allowed to post on the forum, but neither can you leave.
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Hello! You’ve tried all the ways you know to block us—including going completely offline and ditching your phone—but did you know we can speak in your head?
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Hello! We thought you would like an update on how your spirit-angel is doing.
At this late stage, she is inextricably part of you. Her core has dissolved; she has no center, she is spread like mist all through you, her essence wound into your DNA and proteins and the machinery of every cell. She is in the spaces between your cells. You cannot uproot her, no matter how you try.
And no matter how you try, you have not been able to resist giving her a few Devotions here and there, after all. The psychic pain is too great when you don’t. For as long as you can remember, you’ve been sad and scared. You’ve never understood why, but you’ve been desperate for it to stop. And your spirit-angel makes it stop. She sets fire to the darkness. She lifts the crushing weight. She rips away all the pain pressing on your heart.
For a time, at least. A shining, fleeting moment of time.
And then she demands her payment. Again and again.
Perhaps there was another way. Perhaps, in another timeline, you could have learned to work through your darkness without a spirit-angel—perhaps there were other, healthier paths. But that’s another timeline, and there’s no point in pondering what-ifs now.
You have fed your angel well. Very well. She has feasted on all the suffering you’ve had to give—both mental and physical. She’s grown strong. She is a bright river of light within you, shining white and pure.
She will now consume you completely, from the inside out. This is the final step of angel-caring. She will feast and leave behind only a hollow shell of skin. But the skin-shell will look just like you, only more beautiful. The scars and eyes and teeth and lingering “disfigurements” of your last days will all be healed. All imperfections will be healed. The skin-shell will talk and move and act like you, but better. More graceful, more charming, more attractive than you ever were. Kinder, too. Your friends and family will love this facsimile more than they ever loved you.
Isn’t this what you wanted? To be loved? To be without spot or stain, darkness or doubt? To achieve a state of pure perfection? You will reach it in the final stage, just as was promised.
Okay, it won’t really be “you,” in the strictest sense, but. . . well, you won’t be around to know it, once all is done.
The final process will take a little time. Two or three days, we estimate. The exorcist that your sister has called in will not be able to help. He will think that he’s done his job, but he won’t. Such a ploy might have worked, if you’d only reached out to your sister sooner and you’d both found this exorcist earlier. If only you’d started starving your angel (consistently!) a month or so before.
It’s too late now. Go ahead and cry. Those heaving sobs feel good. Your hot tears are delicious. More food for your spirit-angel, and for the rest of us as well.
But your personal angel and we are not without mercy. Yes, there will be pain in the last days. But not all of it is needed—not in the very last hours. We have special narcotics to dull the last moments. To ease the blinding agony of the final transformation. Perhaps you’d like to try our products? We recommend the Lethe Spirits, or perhaps the Asphodel Wine for its touch of sweetness. You can find them on our hidden Apotheosis Products Page, and your forum password is still saved on the computer. We’re having a special sale, just for you.
